Has it really been a year already?

Wow. I haven't posted anything in 11 months! It's like I had a baby and couldn't quite keep up or something... Just dropping by to say that I haven't died or fallen off the radar. Just busy, busy, busy.

I have recently found great joy and solace in the readings of "The Lady". No, not '...and the Tramp". But if you know anything about southern cooking, you know that "The Lady" is of course, Ms. Paula Deen. I just love her, ya'll. I go to the library and check out her cookbooks and pour over them like a kid in a candy store. It makes me feel like part of something. A meaningful tradition, a family reunion, a warm laugh and memories made. I know all this sounds super cheesy. But it's true. Every morsel of anything created from "Paula Deen's Kitchen Classics" is like a little taste of home. It's what I'm trying to create for my family; nostalgia, ambiance... memories. So don't be surprised if I share some recipes with you. It. is. so. good.

So that's what I've been up to lately.

In other news... this one is growing like a weed!

And just as precious as ever.

I can't think of what to call this post.

I always think about what I'm going to be doing a ways down the road. Not planning, persay. Just pondering. My husband will be the first to tell you that I really dislike planning... and that drives him nuts. But he loves me :) Anyway, I have wanted and dreamed of being so many things in my life.

From this:

To this:

To this:

And that's where I am right now. I really could never put into words how passionate I am about leading worship. I started playing keys at Creekside Alliance Church when I was 14 years old. Easter of 2004 to be exact. Soon after, I started singing as well. I continued until I was 19 years old. That is when my dear friend and long time mentor (the worship leader of Creekside), Phillip, and his family decided to move back home to California.

We called this one "Eyes and Teeth"

I wish so badly that you could have witnessed Creekside's worship in it's hay day. The Spirit of the Lord was upon us and I have yet to experience a comparable worship time. There was just this bond with the whole group that could not be duplicated. I had finally found my passion.

In late 2009, I began "interning" under Phillip. The Holy Spirit in me was on fire. I just soaked up every ounce of his goodness and power. I lived and walked in the Spirit. I focused nearly every minute of my time preparing for the next Sunday. I was able to pick songs, lead songs, write songs, have a solo or two (Phillip's choosing, definitely not my own). It was the absolute best our team had ever been (not because of me, but God through us all). 

And then, just as it "got good", it came to a close. January 2010. The blow that I had long feared but put on the back burner of my mind. "We've decided that the Lord wants us to leave Florida and return to California. We'll be leaving in March." Ugh. My heart sank. I was not surprised, but I was still crushed. It was like when a family member who has been ill long term passes away. You knew it was coming, but when it finally does you just don't know what to say. So we spent as much time together as we could. We soaked that up. But if you knew the Ganoungs, you'd know there could never be enough time.

Myself, Phillip, Teraena, and my sister Hannah.

Which brings me to my next thought. I am an angry woman. I really am. I'm angry at God for taking away the most spiritually influential people I had ever known. My best friends. Gone. Why? If I knew why, would it help? I'm angry at myself for waiting so long to get serious about worship. I'm angry that I ever wasted a single moment while under Phillip's leadership. I didn't take advantage of the sheer humble genius that God had gifted our incredibly small church. I didn't take advantage of the magnitude of talent that exsisted in our team. I'm angry about the timing. Why right then? Why did it end just as soon as it began? Was it just so I would get a taste of what God could do through me so I would press on? But what if I don't want to press on? What if I am truly convinced that any worship I could ever do would never be as Spirit filled, relevant, vibrant, culture engaging and changing...? That's where I'm at right now. Wanting to recreate something that will never be again. Wanting to move to California. Wanting to have my friends back.

And realizing that God can do anything, overcome everything, and is not tied down to what I picture to be ideal worship. The power was not Phillip, nor myself, nor Hannah, nor Teraena, Jennifer, Diane, John H., Logan, Mark J., John E., Debbie, John S. (we had a lot of Johns throughout the years), Mark D., Wayne, or Nick. It was the Holy Spirit at work in willing people. And the Spirit never ceases. Even though our team is now scattered over the U.S., I can still live according to my calling.

I'm not exactly a fan of this band, but I do appreciate this quote from a Barlow Girl:  

"There will always be someone more talented, but never someone more called. Live according to your calling, not your talent." -Alyssa Barlow

Now, my prayer is that God will open the door for an opportunity to lead this generation into the Throne Room through worship. I will wait, and serve Him still. Be still and know that He is God.

It's not all roses and hot cups of tea.

Today has been a rough day. Tuesdays usually are, but today especially. My mother in law and I attend a Bible study on the book of Ruth on Tuesdays... and every week it seems Satan has absolutely nothing else to do than stop us from meeting. We've had ladies puking their guts out the night before, cars breaking down just 2 miles from our meeting place, jobs gained (not necessarily a bad thing), and actual physical and spiritual attacks from Satan's bidders. It makes me sick really... to think that he is that crafty.

2 out of 6 of us have little ones, and as most of you know, life is hard with babies. Going anywhere is like packing for a cross country excursion.  The time that we meet is also precisely the time my little Illana likes to be right about here

And I do mean right about there. In her crib. Pretty much the only place this precious child will sleep soundly. Which doesn't make it exactly a breeze to be away from home during nap time.

This morning, I didn't feel well at all. And the funny thing about being a Mommy is you can feel sick all you want, but life still must go on. I would have loved it if Illana cooperated this afternoon and didn't SCREAM her fool head off when it took me just a little longer than usual to meet her needs. It would have been grand if she had the ability to understand that Mommy really just felt like putting in some ear plugs and getting back under the covers... but alas, she is but a child. My child. And I love her.

This is why we care for our children. Love. It comes with their great arrival into this world. We can't explain it, we can't help it. For some of us, it takes some time to love them... or even like them (my hand is raised). But we do. With agape love, we care for them. Give them kisses til their cheeks fall off, change horrid diapers, bawl our way through breastfeeding until we finally get it, wake up 17 times in the night; get peed, pooped, drooled, and spit up on.

So I'll miss a few bible studies in my time. There will be parties I won't make it to, dinners that will be late getting to the table, missed calls, appointments canceled. But this one thing is for sure, my children will know I love them, unconditionally. I will invest in their lives every moment I get. I will not be perfect and I will not act in a way that makes them believe they have to be either. I will not always get it right, and I might even do it wrong more times than not. But I will fix my eyes on Elohim - the God who created my sweet babies. My strength and refuge in times of uncertainty. He will guide me through teething and tuition.

And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:35

The difference between the right word and almost the right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.

I have decided to start fresh. I've made 2 other blogs before in my time, but I figured if I journaled, I would have more than one notebook... so why not do the same with the bliggity blog?

I also have decided to blog with one [simple] underlying theme: Parenting. Some of my novice parent friends might laugh at this idea... coming from a woman who has been a Mom for exactly 2 months, 1 week, and 6 days. But already, God has revealed so much of Himself, people around me, and myself to me. I feel like these thoughts and ideas that God gives us through parenting to stretch us and cause us to become more intimate with Him should be shared.

Lastly, I've decided I'm not going to stress about eloquency. I'm over it. I have tried to be quirky and clever for too long. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm just not. I'm going to stop comparing my writing to that of friends like Sara Ochs. Some people really just shouldn't be that funny. I'm just going to type as it comes to me. If people like me that's really super great. If not, I'm really super used to it. :)

SPOILER ALERT: I'm going to talk about the most beautiful, precious, wonderful, amazing, cutest little person ever to be born. A lot. Be prepared. I seriously love my daughter.